How patient are you feeling right now?
With everything that’s happening in the world, it makes sense if you’re feeling a little tense, with a wish that things would change. And soon.
It’s not just COVID that we’re tired of hearing about; you probably heard there was an election happening in the U.S., as some of us were glued to our telly for days, waiting for the result. Now you might think, well ok but what’s that got to do with my mojo? As it happens, it might be quite a bit.
For one thing, the election reminds us that society continues to be divided on who is right, rather than what is right. When you think about Brexit in the U.K., you probably saw how this conflict seeps in to work and home life, where people literally lose friends over their opinions. It also highlights how, when people start shouting, we stop listening.
The key to resolving conflict is creating space for different viewpoints with patience and without expectation, whilst being mindful of the way we communicate.
If I take the U.S. as an example, you probably noticed the difference in the way the two candidates were (and still are) communicating.
While one is speaking from a place that expresses anger through blaming, shaming and complaining, the other is using a style that’s called “Non-violent communication (NVC)”, a term coined by Marshall B. Rosenberg. In his book “Speak Peace in a World of Conflict”, he explains “Everything we do is in service of our needs… when this one concept is applied to our view of others, we’ll see that we have no real enemies, that what others do is the best possible thing they know how to do to get their needs met”.
He goes on to explain that through NVC, we can help other people see more effective, less damaging ways to behave if that’s what we want. It doesn’t excuse people for what they did, it simply gives us the choice to decide how we communicate how we feel about it if we choose.
Here’s something you could try:
This week, maybe set the intention to Find Your Peace. In your mojo video below, Maria Engles explains that everything we do is to meet a need, whether it’s a desire to keep someone happy, or a wish for us to feel less pain. She highlights the importance of recognising our emotions in the first instance, describing the Seuss language of “sad, mad, glad or bad” (Mindfulness can help).
It also helps to understand what your needs are right now. Do you feel like you need to belong? What gets you out of bed in the morning? How can you achieve these things? When someone cuts you off in conversation, do you feel understood, or do you feel that your need to be heard hasn’t been met? These are all things to think about. Then consider what your strategy is. What are you trying to achieve, and how can you best achieve it? Think about what needs and feelings are most alive for you, how you can (patiently) communicate them, and move forward with your goals in mind.
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Copyright Delphi Ellis