Where feels like “home” to you?
You might tell me that “home” isn’t a house, it’s a holiday destination. Or a place of worship. Or that it’s not a place, it’s a feeling; perhaps whenever you’re with someone you love. You might even say, you just don’t know.
If it’s the latter, there might be a reason for this. In her book Homecoming Dr Thema Bryant talks about signs we’re not at home – she actually refers to it as feeling “homesick”. You can tell, because you feel…disconnected.
Out of sorts.
Dr Thema explains, as a result, we end up imitating other people because we think that we can achieve their success by being just like them. We shrink ourselves to fit in. The problem is we end up feeling like a fraud. And all of this is rooted in a need to feel safe.
Here’s what might help:
This week, maybe set the intention to Bring Yourself Home. By that, I mean finding your way back to what it means to live your ideals, goals and values, not someone else’s. In the video below, Dr Thema explains that sometimes we make ourselves small because we don’t want to take up space. This limits us because we end up dimming our own light and end up feeling frustrated. She says that one reason we do this, is so that we won’t be criticised (it compromises feelings of safety) – but the reality is, if that’s what people want to do, they’ll criticise us anyway. So she argues that you might as well “live out loud”.
Many of us have also been saying for a while now that how we think – > affects how we feel – > affects how we behave. It’s all related. So if you keep telling yourself you won’t get something (like the job you want), you’ll start to act like you already don’t have it.
Instead as Dr Thema suggests, when you show up, “come with your own things”. Bring all your skills and strengths to the party, and people will want some of what you have.
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