Have you heard of drains and radiators?
Thankfully, I don’t mean your plumbing. I’m talking about people who lift you up, and those who don’t.
It’s an old analogy (and, being honest, I don’t really go in for labels), but the concept is that “radiators” are the ones who bring warmth, support and a lot of mojo your way.
They understand you (or at least what matters to you).
They encourage you.
They are happy for you when they see you succeed.
“Drains” are the ones who, frankly, just suck the life out of you. Also known as “mood hoovers” and “energy thieves”, these are people that no matter what you say or do, they’ll always find a way to try and cut you down to size. They have a problem for every solution.
If you know a “drain”, here’s what might help:
This week, maybe set the intention to Protect Your Spirit. Firstly measure your resilience and how you know your early warning signs that you’re not ok. Some people say they feel overwhelmed, start to make mistakes or that they just can’t keep all the plates spinning. (Remember, resilience is not about keeping going no matter what – that’s endurance – but a skill that can be nourished, and about measuring your capacity to cope. There’s a free guide on this in the Members Area when you subscribe).
The next thing to think about is whether or not you really need to spend time in their company. If you don’t, it’s ok to create space between you. There will be some of course that you do need to see, especially if they’re a colleague at work. One way you can approach this is by letting the person know how you feel. (I touched on this in last weeks Mojo where I suggested you Say It Anyway). Another is to ask them what’s going on; it may be their ”negativity” is fear based and you can reassure them everything’s ok. As this article explains though, it’s ok to dig a bit deeper just try to stay out of the hole.
Whilst I don’t necessarily agree with “good vibes only” – we should always be allowed to say when we’re not ok – it’s also perfectly reasonable to let people know the impact they have, even if they didn’t mean it. You deserve the best of everything, so why settle for anything less.
Important
If you know someone who’s behaviour is moving into harmful, these links may help.
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