Have you ever felt like you wanted to say something but for whatever reason you stayed quiet?
You bit your lip.
Sat on your hands.
Held it all in.
When I’m teaching about this, one of the things I’m careful to say is that, as a feeling, anger is valid. All emotion has its own intelligence; it’s trying to tell us something. But in a civilised society, we have been trained over the years to withhold and suppress it. As a result, we push it down. We de-press it. And that can make us sad and silenced.
Here’s what might help:
This week maybe set the intention to Let It Out. It’s not our anger that creates difficulty, it’s the way we might feel tempted to express it. So knowing how – and when – to vent can be useful. Instead of launching into a verbal attack, pause and become aware of what needs to happen next.
If you know you’ve got a difficult conversation coming up do a self-care check in first. Literally ask yourself the question “can I say this and be kind today?” and if not, see if you can reschedule the dialogue for another day. If you can’t avoid it, maybe create a plan to self-soothe before and after the event so you go in – and come out – as calm as you’d like to stay, whilst saying what needs to be said.
We can learn ways to manage our ”tricky emotions” when they rise – using everything from boxing to going for a walk. We know that trees are great listeners, and the research supports that spending just 40 minutes in their company can improve our mood.
If it helps, it’s ok to have a really good cry. It’s healthier than you might know, and more liberating than you might think.
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Copyright Delphi Ellis 2021