Have you ever had a moment where you stumble on a cobbled pavement and think everyone must have seen? What about that time you said “love you!” instead of “lovely, thank you” to your boss and think everyone in the room must have heard you say it. (Yep, both these actually happened).
Was I embarrassed? Oh yes. Did it matter though? Nope, because no one was really paying attention. Only I felt the effect of what happened, no one else.
If you’ve ever slipped in a crowded restaurant, fallen up a kerb or missed your mouth when you took a sip of your cappuccino in a busy café, chances are no one noticed that either. We just assumed they did.
This is what’s known as “The Spotlight Effect”.
According to research by Thomas Gilovich, and featured in this article in Psychology Today, even when you walk into a room full of people wearing a Barry Mannilow t-shirt, no one seems to care. (Seriously, they actually did this in the experiment).
The reason, Gilovich suggests, is because we are usually so acutely aware of our own actions and appearance that we have trouble realising other people might not be. In fact, being so self-conscious might be what caused us to “slip up” in the first place.
So what does this mean? The next time you accidentally wear odd shoes, or your earrings don’t match because you got dressed in the dark, don’t worry. If people notice, they might assume it’s a new fashion trend. It’s unlikely anyone will notice. And if you do notice things like that, be gentle if you mention it. Because the chances are they’ll assume everyone else did as well (even if they didn’t).
You might also like: Monday Mojo™ is my weekly newsletter that aims to help you find your mojo and get your sparkle back. It suggests an intention for the week ahead, and subscribers receive additional insight to their inbox every Monday. You can subscribe here.
You might also like: my book Answers In The Dark: Grief, Sleep and How Dreams Can Help You Heal, out now.
© Delphi Ellis 2023
Helping You Sparkle™ 