Monday Mojo – Bust the Myth

Have you heard the concept that Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus? It’s a metaphor intended to explain the different ways men and women communicate, that originated around the 90s. Only it turns out, it doesn’t hold much water. So says Deborah Cameron in her book The Myth of Mars and Venus

As it happens, it’s not so much the way we’re wired that helps us speak up (or not), but our environment. There will be times, for example, where you’ve felt comfortable saying what needs to be said, and others when you’ve held back; a lot is to do with feelings of safety and support. In a world where men didn’t feel safe enough to talk about their feelings (for fear of judgement) they stayed silent, and so the myth that men are “bad communicators” continued.  (Incidentally the myth that women are rubbish drivers is exactly that, a myth).

That’s not to say all myths are false of course. There’s usually an element of truth in what we’re told, and often with good intentions. People we trust and respect will pass on what they think they know, and in some cases it will be of value. 

The key then is being able to discern what myths are healthy, and which are stealing your Mojo. This includes who is breaking your trust, so that you can get a bit of sparkle back. 

This week, maybe set the intention to Bust the Myth. I’ve spoken before about what’s in your Rule Book, so it can start with thinking about what rules you apply in daily life. Whether it’s what you “should” wear, or how people “should” behave, see if there’s a myth you’ve gone along with but never considered why. (“Shoulds” are a good indicator that something needs to change.)

Another is to think about how safe something makes you feel; where do you have permission to speak up, and what needs to change where you don’t? It might be a dress code policy that makes you feel uncomfortable, or a family member whose views are (embarrassingly) out of touch. (The good news is, despite the old myth, if it’s what they really want you can teach an “old dog” new tricks). This doesn’t mean we have to tackle them on the spot, just that we don’t have to believe everything they say. Who and what do you trust?

This article also talks about authenticity, how we instinctively know when something’s not right, and how to rebuild trust. A step further, courage to drive change doesn’t come from “inner strength” or our IQ. Simon Sinek says it’s the quality of relationships we maintain, professionally and personally, that give us the courage to do difficult things. When we trust ourselves and others, we can achieve almost anything.

For an expanded version of Monday Mojo™ straight to your inbox, which includes access to free resources, click here

Copyright Delphi Ellis 2021

Monday Mojo – Take Up Space

It takes such a lot of energy to show up in the world at the moment doesn’t it? I mean, don’t get me wrong – there’s a lot to celebrate:
Halloween means packets of Tangfastics are legitimately on the shopping list. 
Colder weather allows warm jumpers and woolly socks to be once again in fashion. 
And Strictly Come Dancing is back.

But darkness can show up in our lives in so many ways. Your boss being spiteful. A friend not replying to a text message. Or just the drip, drip, drip of negative news day in and day out. 

It’s no wonder if you’re tired.

It’s especially hard when we’re having to deal with difficult people. Whether it’s a friend who’s always on the take, or an irate customer at work, we can shrink a little, and make ourselves smaller just so we can fit in. I’m here to tell you, you don’t need to do that anymore.

This week, set the intention to Take Up Space. In her new book Presence, Lisa Lister recognises we can be scared of being powerful, sometimes because we worry it’s cold or unbecoming to put ourselves front and centre. If Alexis Colby (played by the goddess, Joan Collins) in Dynasty (showing my age again), taught us anything, it’s that you don’t need shoulder pads and blue eyeshadow to make your mark in the world. We can love and be powerful at the same time.

As this article explains, you can set this intention every morning when you wake up. Whether it’s whilst brushing your teeth, or in that meeting at work, think about ways for your ideas to be heard. It won’t always be easy, and you’ll need time to rest now and then, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t ask for what you need.

You’re allowed to be happy. You’re allowed to light up the world. In fact, you already do.

For an expanded version of Monday Mojo™ straight to your inbox, which includes access to free resources, click here

Copyright Delphi Ellis

Monday Mojo – Stop the Clock

Do you ever feel like time is going too fast?

As we find ourselves in mid October, you might be asking where this year has gone. Especially if you’ve been so busy, you didn’t get a chance to complete that goal, read that book, do that course or anything else you’d set out to do. 

And that’s ok. 

One of the things I remind people at my events is, we can always pause during the day and reset. Every moment is a blank sheet. It’s ok to start again.

Here’s something that might help. 

This week, maybe set the intention to Stop the Clock. Although we can’t physically halt time, we can take opportunities during the day, during the week or every month just to pause and take in what’s happening.

Gabby Bernstein says we can make a conscious choice to slow down and take in the world around us. One thing she suggests is three times a day check in with yourself, to see how “fast” you’re going. Not because fast is bad, but because it’s actually alright to pace ourselves.

This article reminds us that busy also doesn’t mean productive. It suggests, for example, that we can order our coffee for here (rather than to take out), put down the iPad and go back to paper and pen, or just schedule time to do nothing.

Whichever you decide to do, remember that this matters. You can’t give people energy you don’t have, and you’re allowed to make time for you.

For an expanded version of Monday Mojo™ straight to your inbox, which includes access to free resources, click here

Copyright Delphi Ellis 2021

Monday Mojo – Connect Through Kindness

Have you been kind to yourself lately?

I’m asking because I know a lot of people are going through a tough time right now.

A stranger on the internet has a pop.  A colleague says something that triggers us. A loved one derails a conversation when you’re trying to talk about how you feel. 

It can feel hurtful. 
Dismissive. 
Personal. 

It’s one of the reasons I often talk about self-compassion. If we can’t always rely on other people to give us the support and time we need in that moment, the narrative we use on ourselves can make all the difference. 

Here’s something that might help:

This week, maybe set the intention to Connect Through Kindness. We know from researchers like Brené Brown that connection matters, especially if it helps us to feel seen and heard. You’ll know you’re connected, when the people in your circle (I call them your tribe) step up when the moment calls for it, and equally know when to stay quiet. If your tribe is falling short right now, seek out like-minded, helpful people you can click with.

The video below offers a self-soothing activity that might also help you take a moment of kindness for yourself. This article also talks about the science behind all this and how it won’t just help you to be more self-compassionate, but others too.

For an expanded version of Monday Mojo™ straight to your inbox, which includes access to free resources, click here

Copyright Delphi Ellis 2021

Monday Mojo – Push it Forward

How do you feel about procrastination?

So many people I know can relate to the notion of putting things off. 
We pause. 
We hold back. 
We delay. 

In her book, Sabotage, Emma Gannon talks about why we procrastinate, and many experts are starting to agree that it’s aligned with perfectionism; the idea that we don’t get ahead because we want things to be “just right”. 

This though, can create its own problems, and you’ll know yourself (especially if you’re on the receiving end of a procrastinator), stress can build. Sometimes we wish people would just make a decision, but there may well be something holding them back.

Here’s something that might help:
This week, maybe set the intention to Push It Forward. This article explores the “four D’s” of Time Management: Do, Defer (Delay), Delegate and Delete (Drop). People sometimes delay what they should do because they have so much to do. Choosing what gets your time and attention can help you make better decisions, and therefore do what needs to be done.

Peter Sage also explains, in the video below, why we sometimes stay static. Whilst who we are at our core – our soul, if you like – is hardwired for growth, our nervous system is designed for comfort. We always get what we’ve always got, if we always do what we’ve always done. The good news is that incredible things are on the horizon, if we just make space in our minds for what we want and what we can do.

For an expanded version of Monday Mojo™ straight to your inbox, which includes access to free resources, click here

Copyright Delphi Ellis

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