Monday Mojo – Know Your Worth

How do we measure value in the 21st Century?

More and more this seems to be in a monetary sense; what we do for a living, how we “spend” our time, even where we live. it’s certainly fair to say celebrities are often seen that way. As an example, Kim Kardashian’s net worth is currently $1.8billion, Elon Musk is $266.1billion. But of course, in the end, money doesn’t equal happiness. It’s important then to measure our sense of self-worth, rather than how much we have in the bank.

In my classes, I talk about the difference between self-esteem and confidence.   Self-esteem is how we measure our worthiness, confidence is how we rate our ability to (e.g.) stand up in front of others and talk passionately about what we know.  What this means though, is that high confidence doesn’t necessarily mean high self-esteem.  In fact some of the most “confident” people in the world, are fighting their own secret battles.  

It’s important to say as well, that if we have low self-esteem, that’s not a “weakness”. It can be affected by our environment, how people treat us, whether we feel like we belong somewhere, even how the media says we “should” look. We can lose ourselves before we know it. Here’s what might help:

This week, maybe set the intention to Know Your Worth. One way to raise self-esteem is to remind yourself you matter. Negative self talk (calling yourself names, beating yourself up) only serves to keep you in a negative cycle of shame. A healthier way is to think about what you have done (rather than what you haven’t) – who you’ve helped, how you’ve supported others, even keeping a “self-esteem log” of all the ways you live by your values every day.

Remember also to explore beliefs that might be limiting you, and how what I call your ‘rule book’ is affecting your view of yourself. For example, sometimes we think we’re being selfish for taking time out, even when it’s much needed, because the rule book we developed in childhood says we’re ‘lazy’ if we stop and do nothing for a while. This includes again how you talk to yourself (mentioned above) when, for example, you make a mistake. Everyone messes up from time to time, and despite what we may think (or hope), even in a planet of nearly eight billion people, the perfect human just doesn’t exist. When we can accept that mistakes are normal and part of being alive, we can cut ourselves a bit of slack.

It can also be helpful to think about what you can do, rather than what you can’t. If you hit a stumbling block at this point, it’s ok to reach out to people you trust and ask them what you’re good at – their answers may even surprise you.

This article offers some thoughts but, as strange as it sounds challenging yourself to something you’ve not done before or helping others can pick you right up. Whether it’s trying a new hobby or even just doing something lovely for a neighbour – you’ll be surprised at the feel-good feeling this can bring.

If you feel like you don’t belong somewhere, it’s ok to question what certain places (or people) are bringing to your life. Belonging doesn’t mean we have to accept what’s not good for us, so make your well-being a priority if a situation is taking its toll. It can be lonely being authentically you at times, but that’s much better than you not being yourself at all.

For an expanded version of Monday Mojo™ straight to your inbox, which includes access to free resources, click here. Any third party links offered are not endorsed. © Delphi Ellis 2022

The Business End: I am delighted to provide this complimentary weekly blog. If you like Monday Mojo™ and want to say “thanks”, you can “Buy Me a Coffee” via my Tip Jar here. No pressure though, it will stay free of charge as long as possible.

Monday Mojo – Protect Your Spirit

Have you heard of drains and radiators?

Thankfully, I don’t mean your plumbing. I’m talking about people who lift you up, and those who don’t. 

It’s an old analogy (and, being honest, I don’t really go in for labels), but the concept is that “radiators” are the ones who bring warmth, support and a lot of mojo your way.
They understand you (or at least what matters to you).
They encourage you.
They are happy for you when they see you succeed.

“Drains” are the ones who, frankly, just suck the life out of you. Also known as “mood hoovers” and “energy thieves”, these are people that no matter what you say or do, they’ll always find a way to try and cut you down to size. They have a problem for every solution.

If you know a “drain”, here’s what might help:
This week, maybe set the intention to Protect Your Spirit. Firstly measure your resilience and how you know your early warning signs that you’re not ok. Some people say they feel overwhelmed, start to make mistakes or that they just can’t keep all the plates spinning. (Remember, resilience is not about keeping going no matter what – that’s endurance – but a skill that can be nourished, and about measuring your capacity to cope. There’s a free guide on this in the Members Area when you subscribe).

The next thing to think about is whether or not you really need to spend time in their company. If you don’t, it’s ok to create space between you. There will be some of course that you do need to see, especially if they’re a colleague at work. One way you can approach this is by letting the person know how you feel. (I touched on this in last weeks Mojo where I suggested you Say It Anyway). Another is to ask them what’s going on; it may be their ”negativity” is fear based and you can reassure them everything’s ok. As this article explains though, it’s ok to dig a bit deeper just try to stay out of the hole.

Whilst I don’t necessarily agree with “good vibes only” – we should always be allowed to say when we’re not ok – it’s also perfectly reasonable to let people know the impact they have, even if they didn’t mean it. You deserve the best of everything, so why settle for anything less.

Important
If you know someone who’s behaviour is moving into harmful, these links may help.

For an expanded version of Monday Mojo™ straight to your inbox, which includes access to free resources, click here. Any third party links offered are not endorsed. © Delphi Ellis 2022

The Business End: I am delighted to provide this complimentary weekly blog. If you like Monday Mojo™ and want to say “thanks”, you can “Buy Me a Coffee” via my Tip Jar here. No pressure though, it will stay free of charge as long as possible.

Monday Mojo – Say It Anyway

Do you ever blurt?

By that I mean, words erupt from your mouth without any apparent warning or you say something because, if you don’t, you feel like you might explode.  And then you wish you hadn’t.

If we’re being honest, we can probably all relate to saying the wrong thing from time to time, even just by mistake. They can be innocent things, but we can feel so silly after the fact.

Sometimes, when we say the “wrong” thing, it then stops us saying what’s “right”. In the world we are currently navigating, it’s more important than ever that we speak our minds in the face of (eg) injustice and brutality, at the same time without widening the polarisation between “us and them”. We have to pick our moments, but sometimes saying something is better than saying nothing at all. 

Here’s something that might help:
This week, maybe set the intention to Say It Anyway. If someone has been voicing an opinion that you disagree with, you can reply with the golden statement I often recommend: “I see things differently”. This gives the other person the opportunity to ask you to clarify your opinion and hear what you have to say; if they’re not interested you know where you stand (ie they might not belong in your tribe).

Another way of stating a point is from the “I” position, like “I think”, “I feel”, “I need” – it helps us own what we’re saying. One way I do this in challenging situations is to start with “I think it’s important we consider/acknowledge/pause/reflect…” This gives people the opportunity to look at the ‘big picture’ rather than just from their own perspective. Another way is asking people what we can agree on (rather than what we don’t). Non-violent communication means recognising all the views, but at the same time asserting what we might need. Suggestions on how to manage really heated discussions are in this article.

Of course if you’ve dropped an absolute doozy, the best and only way to proceed really is to say sorry. Acknowledge what you did, say sorry without ‘but’, and remember it’s ok to respect your feelings – and important to hear theirs – in the process.

For an expanded version of Monday Mojo™ straight to your inbox, which includes access to free resources, click here. Any third party links offered are not endorsed. © Delphi Ellis 2022

The Business End: I am delighted to provide this complimentary weekly blog. If you like Monday Mojo™ and want to say “thanks”, you can “Buy Me a Coffee” via my Tip Jar here. No pressure though, it will stay free of charge as long as possible.

Monday Mojo – Give and Receive

If you’re feeling helpless right now, you’re not alone. I’ve had numerous conversations over the last ten days with many people describing they feel like they just don’t know what to do with all the events unfolding in the news.

Watching history repeat itself on our screens whilst trusting people in power to make the right decisions (for us all) is hard enough, without having to navigate whatever else is going on in your life right now. People have even said they feel “guilty” enjoying themselves, when there’s people going through such a hard time elsewhere.

But just as we did when the pandemic struck, many wonderful humans are rallying to make it right. Humanitarian efforts are ensuring that medical supplies, clothes and other resources are finding their way to those in need.

To know we’ve done something, when it feels like we can do nothing, matters. But it’s just as important to take care of ourselves when we’re doing so much for others. So how do we get the balance right?

This week, maybe set the intention to Give and Receive. You may have already been supporting efforts where you are, or seen, for example, the “pay not stay” initiative through AirBnb (AirBnB have waived the fees). Every little helps.

In this article I talk about a loving kindness practice known as Tonglen, that allows us to make time for ourselves at the same time thinking of others. I actually wrote this article at the start of the pandemic, when many people felt the same way about not knowing what to do. The Tonglen practice is a beautiful way to let others know you’re with them, even if you can’t be there, whilst taking care of yourself.

Remember, it’s always ok to set boundaries with people who make too many demands on your time; “no” is still a complete sentence. I mentioned last week why we also need to keep it simple, so that when things are difficult we must continue to make our own well-being a priority. Above all, just do what you can with what you have from there you are. It’s always enough.

For an expanded version of Monday Mojo™ straight to your inbox, which includes access to free resources, click here. Any third party links offered are not endorsed.

The Business End: I am delighted to provide this complimentary weekly blog. If you like Monday Mojo™ and want to say “thanks”, you can “Buy Me a Coffee” via my Tip Jar here. No pressure though, it will stay free of charge as long as possible.

Copyright Delphi Ellis 2022

Monday Mojo – Keep It Simple

Well, what a week that was. Just as we felt like we were coming to the end of one drama, another one begins. Do you ever feel like that? Even Wordle got a bit too complicated at one point.

It can be relentless, the way life hits us at times. Just when we think we’ve dealt with one wave of something, another one comes along. We can feel like we’re being knocked off our feet every time we get up. 

It can feel lonely trying to cope with everything all at once, especially when you’re not getting time to reset and recharge. 
It can leave us weary. 
Frustrated. 
Lacking a lot of mojo. 

Here’s what might help:
This week, maybe set the intention to Keep it Simple. Whether you’re reeling from events on a global or more local scale, go back to basics in terms of priorities for the next few days. Make a plan to ensure if nothing else you eat, drink some water (even if disguised as tea) and prioritise your bedtime. 

Limit access to news and social media if needed, so that you’re not feeling overwhelmed by all that’s happening in the world, on top of everything else you might be navigating right now. Ask a friend to send you the snippets of things you may need to know (eg about COVID reatrictions, if relevant) rather than diving into Facebook and feeling wrecked by it all. These 5 Ways to Well-being from Mind might also be useful.

Above all, remember you’re not alone and keep going. Finding our way in the world might feel lonely at times, but there are services out there to help. Rest, yes, but don’t quit.

For an expanded version of Monday Mojo™ straight to your inbox, which includes access to free resources, click here. Any third party links offered are not endorsed.

The Business End: I am delighted to provide this complimentary weekly blog. If you like Monday Mojo™ and want to say “thanks”, you can “Buy Me a Coffee” via my Tip Jar here. No pressure though, it will stay free of charge as long as possible.

Copyright Delphi Ellis 2022

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